Tim's air vent

hamster, hamster

2006-04-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

the easter bunny did not leave my 6 year old any candy this year... in his basket, a dwarf winter white hamster.

5:45 easter morning.... "daddy, did you hear the easter bunny last night?"
"no, son, i did not"
"well, that's okay. i have eggs at loma's house that we can eat."
"just because i did not hear him, does not mean that he did not come..."

and off he ran to search the house. i walked out to find him searching all the usual places and then saw him round to corner to go behind the bar... double take, triple take... with hands a clappin' he souted out that he had gotten a pet of his very own. a hamster.

"do you think i'm dreaming?"
"no, because i see it too son. what are you going to call her?"
"how do you know it is a girl?"
"well, um, when she climbed up on the side of the cage just now... i did not see a penis."
"oh, well... i think i will call her, hamster hamster!"

and so she became, hamster hamster.
the little creature is really quite friendly, loves to be held and carried around.
yesterday morning thomas woke me up to see if he could play with RATTY RAT.

"who is ratty rat?"
"you know, my pet"
"she is not a rat."
"what is she again? I just forgot"
"a hamster."
"oh, yeah, hamster hamster"

hamster hamster has an exercise ball. last evening, thomas had her our in the driveway, running. then he sat with her and let her climb up is pant leg, in his pocket... i think there is a bond.
when he gently puts her back in her cage, if she still wants to play she climbs on the door to get out again. but, most of the time i think that little winter white is ready for her favorite corner and a good nap.

butt, poop, boob

2006-04-11T15:03:00.000-07:00

it started as a rumble when he was 5. now, at 6, his punchlines are all centered around: butts, big poops, and boobs. some of the jokes are really kind of funny, i don't dare give it away... i fear the three word punch lines would just hang around that much longer.

70's flirting with 80 and sun. now, that is a spring day. cleaned out the pool house. set the chairs up around the still covered pool, but i'm ready. may 15 it all begins, non stop summer pool parties. my favorite way to spend a day.

some church in minneapolis, that cares for the sick and elderly... and are paid to do so by the state just lost out on future business. seems a woman was brought in for services and explained that she had started life as he. the good christians said, "no way" and sent her packing. no i don't go to church, but from my days of sunday school.... i thought jesus did not discriminate... so why should those who live thier lives based on the stories of jesus?

off to make dinner. last nights was a bomb. decided to cook on the fire pit.... no time for wood... used on of those logs in a bag... gas and newpaper... not good or roasting. we ended up eating marshmellows and chocolate. will try to make it a tad better tonight.

c-ya

ice turns to water

2006-04-03T19:41:00.000-07:00

in december i went to bed and the lake was choppy; the night was cold. in the morning, ice. the whole lake was dark and solid. i have been waiting to see the current and today it all came back. bright sun, new day. we had some friends over for dinner. the kids played on the shore, old ones drank red wine and hung by the fire.

my day was spent ripping out one of the guest baths... i love the demo stuff. tore out tile, wood... cut my hands a few times, felt butch. wore gucci for dinner, so much for bring butch.

thomas' friend went back to miami. sleep over w/ school friend on tuesday night. my mom comes on wednesday. never a dull moment here.

relax in the moment. enjoy to day.

sun, sun... few clouds

2006-03-28T16:36:00.000-08:00

so yesterday i slept all afternoon... cloudy, all energy zapped w/ the fieldtrip i took my son on. today the list of 20 errands, big gym time, and dinner were all done w/ EZZZE.

thomas had gymnastics this afternoon, glad he loves the class... his coach is way hot and a buddy (who has kids in the class) sit and act like school girls, being the big fag dads that we are.

have really gotten into cooking. for years dinner involved picking up the phone or hitting some buttons on the microwave...
no more baby! dear friend is a chef... has a book out that i love, kitchenlife w/ art smith. easy stuff to make and everything i have tried has had big banner results.

thomas' friend, "paul"
paul is a flat green balloon. sharpie marker eyes, nose and mouth. the mouth has been cut so he can, "enjoy the fresh air"... as thomas says. he lives in a ziplock with our address written on the front, in case he gets lost...
thomas has instructed me to open the bag for 20 min. at lunch time everyday. the other day i told thomas that i was going to be busy at lunchtime and what should i do.... he took "paul" to school so that he would have the care that a good friend should have. I LOVE, LOVE seeing life through a kid's eyes. how old was i when friends like paul quite showing up in my life, i don't remember.

fast forward

2006-03-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

two months, fast... yet, slow.
got out of town for a couple quick trips. boston, chicago... all good. friends, sites, food.
clicked on weather this morning and it pulled up my link for miami... 75 and sunny. i was trying to forget that place! minneapolis: clouds, 40. okay, once it hits 50 the trees will start to bud. bring on the green.

today took thomas to a park and tapped a maple tree. boil the sap, srain, reboil...all for 10 drops of the stuff. very interesting, but next time it is back the the store for a bottle of aunt j.

thomas picked up a book last night and said that from now on he was going to read the bedtime story. i guess that's what happens when you turn six.

fred is into buying net based biz's. today a prayer line... too funny, he doesn't believe in god. guess that those who do may be paying the bills for us.

back in town... holiday done.

2006-01-21T00:51:00.000-08:00

i have had almost a month to recharge my batteries. wow. florida was great.... lots of friends and family, time well spent.
warm sunny days on the beach. thomas made many a castle with his cousins. then it was off to ca. drove the central coast of hwy. 1. san luis obispo, santa barbara.... wonderful. seals on the beach, butterflies spending the winter... maybe i sould too. then off to santa monica. sayed with dear friends who are in the music biz.... a true la weekend. talking about starz that they know and i only have seen pics of in people mag. palm springs... aunt and uncle. rode the golf cart around and ate dinner in a supper club. great to reconnect.

thomas is glad to be back at school. skating, gymnastics, friends.... and the like.

hello to cathy! i will visit your blog and get all caught up this week

nile

2005-12-18T07:35:00.000-08:00

we took thomas to an imax movie last night about the nile. a team of people paddled the 3,000 miles that the river extends.
wow. in addition to the amazing footage, the history of the nile was so interesting. interesting is not nearly a big enough word; i can't think of another, maybe you will after seeing it.

temp. outside three below "damn cold" enough said.

last night i watched a program on discovery. it was coverage of a frontline er in iraq. i think everyone should have to watch 5 min. of this program... and then look at why we are there. all these young people who have body parts blown off, brain damage, lives shattered.... FOR WHAT?
i just wish that the gov't could show some real hard reason why we had to go there and "save the day"
yes, they had an election. a successful election is the call by many. was it worth the thousands and thousands of lives.

bush said 30,000 of iraq's people have been killed. "give or take"
we are not talking about time needed to get downtown, give or take....

12/17/05 Mom's B-Day

2005-12-17T05:25:00.000-08:00

64. that is a lot of cakes. my mom's birthday is today.
she was one of the few adults that i remember, the only maybe, who would count down the days to her special day.
everyone new that two small gifts... one for christmas and one for birthday were always more welcomed than the one that lumped birthday and christmas together.

when getting your ear double pierced was the new rage... 1981 maybe. i told my mom that she should do it. she didn't.
i just knew that it was the "cool" thing to do. so i saved my money and gave her a gift certificate to have it done. casa de pelo. hudson, wisconsin. she never turned down a gift and keeps every gift forever (just look at her store room)... she still has her double ear pierced. most of the time only wears two on one side and none on the other. she says it feels more balanced.

one year, when i was even younger. i took a small gold ring that was hers as a girl. the simple ring had a small diamond that had fallen out. when we were eating downtown, i asked to be excused to go on an "errand". i went two doors down to richards. a beautiful jewelry store (not really, thought so then). i walked in on the gold shag carpet. the cut glass light fixtures sparkled light off the drop ceiling. i told the man in the tie that i would llike a diamond set in a ring and to have it engraved. just a "J" for judy. i then took out a handful of quarters and some random singles. and lucky me it was the exact amount that i needed, or so the man in the tie told me.

there have been other gifts. some good. some last min. purchases that really were not her. but, it is amazing that some of these birthday gift experiences have really shaped who i am today.

i always look forward to her birthday. maybe it is because even though the years tick by, she is always so happy to have her family sing happy birthday to her.

hollidazzle

2005-12-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

every night for a month, there is a parade in downtown minneapolis. last night we put on an extra layer and ventured out.
all the floats are filled with lights and the people's coustumes are too. as a light snow fell, and a middle school band marched by (the flutes playing silent night and the drums silver bells, i think), it really felt like christmas.
thomas sat on my shoulders. gazing not at the floats but at the introduction signs. he is so focused on learning how to read that if it does not have a word attached, it is not of interest to him.

friday, friday. i have so much to do in the next few days, it kinda makes my head spin. i think that i will go on to ca from florida. i have never driven the central coast and want to see it. that means when i leave town on the 22... i will be gone for almost a month. better get to that growing stack of stuff to be ironed.

a card came in the mail yesterday. thomas' cousin had a reflection on resolutions. (mind you he is 8)
i think that people will make all the same mistakes, just in a different order.

ice rink

2005-12-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

today thomas and i started work on our ice rink on the lake out back.
shoveled the snow away. bumpy ice sparkled in the afternoon light.
thomas thought the rink should be a half circle. he kept repeating himself in 100 different ways, always to convey the same message. he is like rain man when he does that.
in the end the bumpy rink was indeed in the shape of a half circle.

off to get hot water to pour on the newly defined rink. surprising how thin the ice still is. thomas runs out and jumos on it as if to test my point. silly florida boy, you have no idea how cold that water is. shallow, yes. warm, no way.

i had him put his finger in the water where the ice has not formed along the shore. yes, it is that cold i told his surprised little face.

the rink has new water tonight. maybe in another few days, after some more of ma nature's cold... it will be ready for skating.

will the boom box pump out vintage christmas music or abba? ice dancing. dancing queen.

monday, 12-12

2005-12-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

1985. i graduated from hudson high school. hudson, wisconsin. when i walked out of the building, i felt as if i could go air-born. time, done. est. time of return, never. i knew i was a fag in high school and so did most everyone else. those were not years that bring back fond, warm memories.

2005. reading the hudson paper at my mom's house. the article that my mom pointed out was about a new club. HHS Gay/Straight Alliance. 200 students and 30 teachers signed the petition to make it an official club. amazing.

today i spoke with the teacher who serves as the advisor. i plan to do what i can to support this club. brave kids. str8 and gay. no matter who you are, just as long as you show up. i asked my dear friend, esera to speak at the school. he agreed.
he is the 2nd. pro football player to come out of the closet. his speach about hiding your truth is so powerful. moves me everytime i hear it.

the update to this will be the day that i go back to this school. never say never. i would not miss a chance to hear a positive role model speak to the students of my school about being true and loving in one way, unconditionally.

sunny day

2005-12-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

looking out at the lake... almost frozen enough to start skating on soon and seeing the sled trails all over the back yard made me smile this morning. thomas running around trying to remember all that he needs to go sledding during recess, made me laugh out loud. "hat, check....gloves, check, socks, check..."
i'm still not sure if this place is my final landing spot. sometimes i wonder if in seeking perfection in this life causes me to miss out enjoying the mundane. a good friend, with whom i was talking yesterday, told me that in a wierd way it has been very refreshing to see me open up and acknowledge feeling like crap or struggling with decisions. you see, for the last 39 years i have been the cheerleader of my family. for the last 12.5 the cheerleader of my relationship... and others have come to count on it.
i still plan on letting my positive outlook on life ooze out, almost to the annoying point. that is me. when the black skies form, don't hide that. being real and unedited feels so much better. because if you are surrounded by those who take you for face value, even if it is a small circle... there could be no better place.

off to enjoy the day, thanks for the advice cathy. piles of laundry will still be there in the morning.

throwing my hands up

2005-12-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

this is one of those days... i want to throw my hands up and say "fuck it"
cold and snowy. missing miami. feeling like i'm locked in this house. so many damn projects to do. next house... 2,000 sq. feet. over 6,500 squares on this place. living the american dream, right? on a lake, pool, four car garage... what so excited at the prospect of owning now makes me wish that we were back in our first house. small surrounded by neighbors that i loved. here i don't even know the names of the people two doors down. my big "break" in the day was to go watch thomas at gymnastics class. he loves it, not today. ran around the place like a monkey that got loose. had to drag him out of there. too wierd. he did not even know why the hell he was acting the way he was. fred is trying to make a mark in a new market. comfort levels were passed long ago. doing it all for us, his family. he is so smart and i know the he will do well. even though he would rather be living 20 miles from a small town...the sticks. piss and moan. piss and moan. i know that others may say.... "well if that is the biggest problem you have.... bla bla bla" this is my day, these are my problems and they do suck. guess it's time to go make dinner and get off the piss pot. the sun will be out in the morning is my guess.

white limo

2005-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

my friend, esera, called wondering if i wanted to join him and his son for dinner. the white limo. pulled up and looked like something out of a bad 70's movie. the kids were delighted, i was delighted. the music played and the lights around the bar changed colors as we motored down the freeway. mitchell and thomas sipped soda out of champagen flutes. 5 and 5.5 years old looking like the were out for boy's night on the town. as they ran about the cabin. laughing and rolling around, i could not help but think that it is these random moments in life, doing off beat stuff that makes for such fun memories. as the car pulled up to our snow covered drive, thomas waved good bye to the white limo. calling it a "limbo" he reminded me that we had seen one in NYC last summer and how he wanted to ride in one. one just like the white one we ended up in tonight. i guess those little dreams are coming true in a kid's life all the time.

on the ice

2005-11-19T16:52:00.000-08:00

thomas had his first skating lesson today. all bundled up with his shiny new skates on, hit stepped onto the ice. a little grin and a brow that also showed some worry. little step, little step.... fast run in place and BOOM; down he went. the wrinkled brow gave way to a smile that showed his dimple. trying to get up and not having much success, at first, did not stop him. he was soon up and taking his penguin steps again. with each fall, came a better run of it next time. the time flew and the 30 min. class was over. off the ice he retold the tale of his techniques to stand, skate and recover from a fall.

as i sat and soaked in all he had to share, i thought about the parents who were sitting next to me. the whole time the conversed about what thier daughter should be doing, what class she should be placed in and that any wrong choice on the teacher's part about where to place her, how to interact with her.... bla, bla, bla.... would all spell disaster in terms of her chance to growing to love the sport. maybe one day that kid will be all grown and they will wonder where the time went. for they spent it all in a state of anger and missed out one the beauty of an adorable kid, with a big smile, falling down on the ice.

10/24/05

2005-10-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

talked w/ friends in miami at the height of the storm. wind howling, wishing i was there. carson's suppllies included a dozen cupcakes from epicure and 8 orders of bacon from big pink. too funny. his supplies had dwindled to zip by the time the drops stopped falling. he stood in line for FOUR hours to buy 13.00 in groceries this afternoon. betsy had all sorts of shit flying into her pool. plenty of food and games for the kids. she was looking forward to the cool front that would follow the storm. she is planning on wearing an oscar cashmere sweater set on tuesday. to where she will go, who knows. anna was scared, shaken, and stirred. no word from maria, she was so worried about kelli's house, maybe she forgot to bring her own stuff in from outside. no word from helen, she left a birthday greeting last night... card arrived today. will cross paths with her in the morning.

i used to love to sit in my house and watch the boats jump and pull on thier lines. i would be so amazed at how far a palm tree could bend and still not snap. i would marvel at the amount of rain that could fall, like buckets of wash water being emptied from heaven.

i guess i will have to wait for the big smow storm here and find a new high in storm watching.

10/23/66

2005-10-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

anna is always the first to call on my birthday... has been since we met 5 years ago. mark and mark, they don't know each other and i haven't seen either in years; cards always appear in my mailbox... kim sends a note with a sweet message too.
the little bits of love that i feel from these people stay with my all year. these are people who i have very little contact with yet, year after year they take the time. beautiful.

hanging with family today. kinda rainy, no worries. played cards last night w/ eserea, mitchell and fred. lots of laughs and a good lesson at black jack too. came home short 15.00, next time will turn that to extra cash in pocket.

kevin gave me a great cake and a body spray called great abs... if i keep eating this cake it will take more than body spray.

today is 2 days 2 39

2005-10-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

there was a time when i thought that at thirty you were starting to run over the crest of "the hill"... 40 well forget it the party is over. now that i'm staring 39 in the eye, i think i have changed my mind. this party is not over.

thomas and i had a wonderful day. he is a closet broadway star. you wont catch him singing in public much less talking to people that he does not know. however, when it is just us.... he is quite the showman. do ray me is still among his favorites. he has the mary martin and julile andrews versions... and can tell the difference. today i logged him on to the music without the competing voices and he was crazed.... over and over again with full dance moves. too funny.

one day this blog will have pics and video for a full on presentation. when that day will come, i don't know.

STORM: wilma BULL SHIT ARTIST: delay ... i hope that one goes away and one gets pounded.

i was ironing my american flag the other day. kinda sounds like i do this often, i don't. found it in a box, wrinkled. i remember buying it on 9-11-01. flying it by day and folding it up at night for months. then it only came out on flag day and other legal holidays. as bush wore his pin and spok/acted like the town fool... my flag seemed to represent my approval of him. in turn, this flag that once brought me to tears now was a symbol that pissed me off. i'm not quite sure what sparked the transfer, but it happened. now it is pressed and folded into a neat triangle, only blue and white showing. when it will come out again, i don't know. maybe when the puppet who can't even follow a script has left the office for good.

halloween party 2005

2005-10-20T06:13:00.000-07:00

after thomas annoounced to the kindergarten class that he was having an all class party, i decided that we sould send out and invite and make it official. now the rsvp's are coming in and we are constructing the "haunted house" our first room we set up was a guest room that is now occupied by "grandma." she is resting on the bed in a wedding dress, reading a book. when you walk into the room you only see her shoes and half her body. once you are in the bloody face appears. thomas loves it. he goes in every night and tells her goodnight. the back hall is filled with plastic rats and spider webs. we are having such a good time planning all this. today is the "fear factor" food planning. more to come.

guess who's back

2005-10-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

some spy protection program locked me out of my blog. being a computer fool, i don't install my own programs and did not know that i had this turned on or even how to shut it off....

the katrina school supplies drive at my kid's school was amazing! boxes and boxes of stuff. the other day we had 20 books, and i asked all the kids at an assembly to help fill the box up. way cool one day later 660 books!

thomas has one of his buddies from miami here this weekend. it is great to see him with an old friend. they have been buddies since they were babies... a whole 5 years! like an old favorite sweater, a friend who knows you well is sure a treasure.

amazing fall day. hiked on my parents property (hudson, wi/st. croix river) the kids collected all sorts of leaves, feathers, rocks, shells and even a few deer bones.

well, that all for now. gotta run.

new day

2005-09-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

police woman turns 74. does angie still wear that matte beige lipstick. i remember watching pepper and wondering where her lips stopped and gave way to the skin on her face. strange, but very cool. i would wish my mom did that. mentioned it once. she told me that was what a dead person's lips looked like.

the v.p.'s chief of staff says let it be know and ms. miller is out of jail. i think she should still be there. just b/c you heard it does not mean you have to write a story on it. i guess she was excited to get such a scoop and had trophies made of stuben glass on her mind.

ca fire season is in full swing. northwest of la. w/exception of andrew and katrina, hurricanes do not scare me as much as fires do. looked at a house in the redwoods. beautiful, peaceful spot. then i asked the fire question. changed my mind, i don't think i will be living in the red woods.

booking a vegas trip today. one weekend w/ some great friends from around the country. the email banter we have been having in planning has me doubled up laughing... it will most def. be a "what happens in vegas...." kind of weekend. cabanna rental at krave (fri./sat. night), ave. q (sat. night), and the susper shot. that ride is too cool.

off tp make some b.fast and get thomas to school.

miami beach, fl

2005-09-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

some miami friends came in for the weekend. next weekend some more are going to be here. it makes me happy to see those i left behind when i moved here (minnesota) 4 months ago... but, it kinda makes me sad too. i guess i start to reflect on miami and there is some stuff about that amazing city that has left a void in me. yes, it has crime, traffic, poverty, dirty streets... bla, bla, bla.
but, it is one sexy city. i would drive across the julia tuttle causway, music playing.... and come to the last rise before you hit miami beach. you can see the amazing skyline in the distance to your right. the houses on susnet island come into view and there is water all around you. this was the place i where i fell in love with the city. this is one of the places i miss the most.

the people are so, so.... everything. ripped bodies, old people in fashion, skin in every shade of brown that you can imagine.
there was an old woman, irene williams. i used to see her everyday on lincoln road. we would chat about this and that, then she would go on her way having warmed my heart in ways i never let her know. eric smith summed it up this way.
Once upon a time in South BEach there was a little old woman who roamed the streets of Lincoln Road with nothing but the brightest disposition and equally colorful outfits. Her name was Irene Williams, and she truly deserved to be called the "Queen of Lincoln Road"
there is a short movie about her. i have it and will send it to anyone who wants to see it. just send it back when you are done. you would not believe the outfits this old show girl made. she was miami beach to me.

married yet?

2005-09-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

when i was a 20 something closet case i heard this over and over. the question was always peppered w/ compliments, but it was still a drag. 12 1/2 wonderful years into my relationship w/ fred. forever together. no longer a closet case... people have stopped asking... or so i thought. our son, thomas, was hanging out with us last night. reading books, playing w/ toys. enjoying fatherhood. "are you married?", he asks. i reply well, not really. as if a five year old will understand the laws of this state and be able to read between the lines to see that we would if we could. then he asks me when is it going to happen? when am i going to meet a girl? i ask him if i was going to get married.... who do you think i would marry? he looks at papi and i can see the light bulb go off. " papi?!" yes... thinking, i guess, he has just thought we were roomates all these years, kinda like what my grandmother thought until the day she died. after we were clear on who it would be. he went back to when was it going to happen. i asked him if it was really important to him. "yes" that was it back to what we were doing before.
yet, it has hung with me. i, unlike many, never felt the need to "marry" fred. this guy is my right arm. i would never want to live without him. i love him unconditionally, yet never felt the need to stand at an alter and proclaim it. i'm 38 and i thought i knew it all. a five year old once again has opened my eyes. now that they are open, maybe it is more important than i ever gave credit to. to stand up in front of those i love. to say it loud and strong, " this is who i'm choosing to spend my life with"

got an email from a dear friend, she and her partner are calling it quits. friday the battle over the kid starts. best intentions are never kept. the kid is alwyas the big looser. powerful messages are being sent to him. why don't they stick it out? marriage/relationships/sex... they are all like other things in life. some days you crave it more than others. but, if you wait through the days/weeks that you don't crave or maybe even like it... the strong desire will come back. i mean who thinks that you can ride a wave for years?.... you gotta hit a trough once in a while. or maybe stand on shore and wait for the next wave. this is a messed up ramble. will stop now. just with j. and c. were not throwing in the towel.

9/27/05

2005-09-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

opened my email and found a reply to the one i sent randi and phil. gotta love google and how easy it is to find others.
then i logged on and saw a comment from cathy. she reads my blog and i read hers. funny the sense of connection that you can feel with another by just reading a #12 font on a mac screen.

thomas and i went to the dr. today. he had to have a couple shots. hate needles, but i would take them for him anyday. we tired the plan where as he got the injection, he would squeeze my finger and i would do the yelling. not one for the helpful parenting tips. he yelled, i yelled. scared the nurse who pulled the syringe and let the needle in his thigh. "lets go get a cookie on the way home, we deserve the big frosted kind." now that was a plan that worked.

thomas had to piss in a cup. asked me how they tested the pee. i said looked at it under a microscope. then thought what a dumb answer that was. maybe some kind of paper test. does it turn orange? maybe it will turn pink... guess not wrong gender and he is only 5. my final idea. dump it in a computer and it will spit out results. yes, he asked. " what kind of results?" i guess sugar... acid...i better get back to you after i read up. he listens to my every word as if it were the gospel truth. don't want his to get into it w/ a science teacher down the road.

big trucks in the yard. fancy limestone walls and firepit going in. the place is a huge mess now. thomas wants to have a halloween party. he has been reading the oriental trading catalogue like others read the bible. going over his favorite parts over and over until the item descriptions are memorized. psalm 15:1 bloody eyeball candy. one dozen 2.95 psalm 17:21 squeeky rats. one dozen 14.50.... perfect to hang around the door.
oriental trading is my vice. it contains all that i want. may the glow lights protect me and guide me to the stash of candy in the closet. for it is the dream, for it is the deal. for it is all we need to survive.

i bet dr. azar (thomas' dentist in miami) put us on the mailing list to keep his business rolling.

randi and phillip HRC dinner

2005-09-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

HRC dinner for Minneapolis and St. Paul was last night. 185/per. dry fish.... over cooked beef. good cause.
parents of a gay kid got an award for standing up for equality for all. there are those in life who give so much of themselves so that others can hopefully live in peace truly amazing. people who have been arrested while protesting for equal rights.... if a few more of us who sit on the sidelines, eating dry fish and clapping for others, got out there... what kind of strides could be made? i'm involved. volunteer my time. safe causes. kids, poverty, old people, lost dogs, disaster victims. i have been to one protest for gay rights. miami, florida. 1998 (approx.) people tossed holy water, others said i was hell bound. it is really hard to take such hate being hurled your way. and for these parents to take this on all over the world. i don;t know how i can thank them.

thomas is off w/ loma and papa. very interested in telling me about the "danger zone" on a bus. after we cover what it is and how the driveer can not see you.... he strikes a bent knee pose with his arms extended. this is how you are supposed to stand when you get ready to jump out the emergency exit of a bus. so serious in his exicution. this kid is one who does not break the rules.

time to call him and get the overnight update. then to find randi and phillips' address and send them a note.

tummy

2005-09-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

so we are sitting at dinner tonight, dino's, a greek place off 66th. and york. after a big meal i'm still kinda hungry. fred suggests that we go to get ice cream. thomas chimes in with an eager yes to the idea. thomas gets the kids cup and i, a large w/ hot fudge. while eating thomas looks at me and asks if his tummy will ever be like mine. "how so?"
BIG is his reply. did he just say that i have a BIG tummy. as i stop eating and feel my tummy. it does not feel big. i do abs 3x a week. what the hell? fred starts laughing. he explains that thomas means big in the sense of how much he can eat. THANK GOD. i go back to my hot fudge sundae and think about getting one for the road.

thomas wanted me to sing to him tonight instead of reading books. the only one in the world who thinks i sing like and angle. you are my sunshine... that is our song. my grandma kay and i had a song. the rose. where ever we were, what ever we were doing, if we heard the song, we would dance. when she was near death. not enough time for me to get to CA, i called her. i did not know what to say. how to express how much i loved her. how much i'd miss her. i played the rose over the phone. we listened and cried together. i have never cried harder in my life. 15 years later i'm at about the point where i can think of the song or hear it and not cry. through all the tears that day...it was still one of the most beautiful connections i have ever had with a person. i miss granma kay.

9-21? 9-22?

2005-09-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

the thing about not working is that you forget what day it is. today i asked my 5 year old what day of the week it was. he gavfe me a look like i was tossing a stupid pop quiz his way, little did he know i was stumped and only looking for an answer. "thursday" good job, thanks.
bright sun here. beautiful day, not a care in the world except that we are $o over budget on thi$ hou$e project. i stop to think and gather some more stuff to send to the gulf coast.... who will need our hand next week? another monster waiting to strike. people will die and i'm measuring for drapes. kind screwed up.
thomas and his friend patrick went to camp snoopy last night. rode the rides. screaming and holding my hands. so sweet.
they were on a huge high feeling so proud after the flume.
have to dash. picking up early today. enjoy the day and send good thoughts to those who need strength now.

poop in a handbag

2005-09-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

chatting with a friend who met a carney in st. louis. carney said that the crime there is so over the top that they play a little game on would be crooks. he and his buddies go to the goodwill and buy a cheap handbag. one guy /gal takes the bag to the can and poops in the bag. they close the purse and place it on a bus bench. one day that they did this and a guy ran up grabbed the bag and jumped on a bus. as the bus rolled down the street, buddies buckled over in laughter, the bag went flying out the window. way twisted. too funny. you can't make this shit up.

" there is nothing like a little poop for fun"
darren @ charlies pub and grill. St. chas. missouri
aug. 9, 2005 12:pm

ps this guy has a large tatoo of bob barker on his back

stay at home dad

2005-09-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

last feb. after seeing my son's 3rd. school show on a dvd.... i thought "what the hell am i doing?"
i wanted to be a dad my whole life and i was missing the boat by working all the time. being a part of his everyday life both at school and home has made me the happiest guy.
today we walked hand in hand to the bus stop, hearing stoires of what he thought he was going to do today. too cool.
seeing his little hand waving so fast that it is a blurr as the bus pulled away... all the stuff most of us miss.

THERE should be a scolarship for those who want to stay home but don't have the ca$h. We could all chip in and then help pay the bills of those who need it.

Had an amazing exp. yesterday. Perspectives and org. in MN. where women in recovery can live in an apt. building w/ family or while getting kids back. this place helps with job training, parenting, placement and keeping you in a place that is healthy. the kids have a huge kitchen where they all learn how to coook and eat healthy. on a rotation, 7-9 kids cook for 55 everyday! there are rooms to tutor and watch the yong ones. spoke w/ some of the residents. amazing. i'm now a proud volunteer. 78% sucess rate. the woman i sopke to yesterday has her kids back, off dope, working in a bank getting ready to buy a house. WOW.

don't forget Rosie O'donnell's All Kids Foundation.... helping the kids affected by the hurricane... 100% of the money goes to the kids!!!!!

thomas 09/15/05

2005-09-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

after school thomas ran over to jack's house to play. a smile that was so wide, i thought it would hurt his cheeks.
thomas, jack, and adam made it to our back yard. swinging by the lake. rolling down the hill with pool toys being used as sleds. hide-n-seek between our houses, thomas running to find his friends... "what happened to his shoes?" socks that were white, now so black. oh well.

when thomas came in covered in dirt, he ran up to me and said, "every little boy needs hugs everyday."
i sure agree with that one. even when he is not a little boy i bet he will still need hugs.

out of town w/ brown

2005-09-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

i guess the horses will be getting mr. brown back.
lets hope that he is more action and less talk in the care of them.

bush has been "workin" today. about time.

check out roise's all kid's foundation. 100% of what's collected goes to kids in need.
3,000,000. plus has been earmarked for hurricane relief.
THANKS FOR STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE RO.

2,000 is better?

2005-09-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

i called a dear friend today. she has family in New "O"... asked her how they were all holding up.
they are all healthy, but have little else. they all are also middle class... not living on cots with thousands of others.
i made a comment about barbara bush.... and she came back with her view.

THEY ARE BETTER OFF IN MANY CASES. THEY HAVE 2,000.00 IN A DEBIT CARD, MUCH MORE THAN MANY OF THEM HAD BEFORE THE STORM> IN FACT, THIS MAY BE A.... holy shit i thought she was going to say "blessing"! her kid sreamed in the back ground, something about a dead spider in the car. she broke off to calm the young one..... THANK GOD!

if these are the conversations that some in middle and rich america are having, i have one word, "BULLSHIT"

even those we love can throw us for a loop. more like give me the noose and i will put it around your neck.

first bus ride

2005-09-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

thomas wanted to ride the bus today. we had to be there 20 min. early. he held the name tag that hung around his next in his little hand. excited, yet nervious. his little brow had a few wrinkles in it. when the big yellow bus pulled up, held my hand tight. wanting me to take him to his seat, we found one right up front. in the silence of the near capacity bus i said "bye" and have a good day to all the kids. thomas stood up on his seat and said, " i want a hug and kiss goodbye!"
too cute, how much longer will it be until that has gone and they move to an age where they want to be dropped off a block away? i will live in the moment and enjoy every min.!

off to school now, i'm the lunch helper. thomas does not know. should be fun.

saw a big truck waiting for donations on frnace ave. people waiting, not much in the truck. i will pass by there after lunch.

what's next?

2005-09-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

25,000 body bags in reserve.
900 kids waiting to be connected to family memebers
who knows how many 100s of thousands without homes
pres. bush telling us that trent lott is going to rebuild one heck of a house.
mom letting the world know that she thinks many are better off in a dome hosted by the city of houston.
WHAT THE HELL?

thousands were to come to a camp here in mn. the paper reports they are not too sure how many will come;
winter does suck here. but, it is only jan. and feb. that is super cold.
mn has some great social service opportunities, i hope that those in need give it a shot.

news from the camp. they are working on menus that have a southern flair....officials are trying, sweet.

keep giving your time, money and goods to those in need.

day one...grade:K

2005-09-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

thomas came out of his room this morning, letting everyone know that this is a special day.
indeed, he started school.
with a light drizzle we headed out. talk of school being walking distance, i jumped in the car. lazy.
thomas wanted me to bring the camera so i could take pics. too much, this kid hates to have his pic. taken.
well, when we got to school he made it clear that he did not want to be in the pics. however, wanted one of the friendship garden and another of his teacher. both were to be sent off to his grandmothers.

he came out, in a blaze of afternoon sun. wide grin and a sponge bob backpack hanging off his shoulders. i asked if he fell asleep during rest time. he told me that there was no time to fall asleep. rest time was the same amount of time that it takes to pick a leaf off a tree. now that is fast.

now he is out playing by the lake. swinging from his rope swing and taking in a wonderful evening. somedays i miss miami.
really miss my friends. however, minneapolis seems to be such a great place for him and us as a family.

i got the ball rolling with the home study. 8 weeks to completion. then it will be tossed off to the heavens and maybe a child will come back with it.

off i go.
tim

k

2005-09-07T19:35:00.000-07:00

well, off he goes to school in the morning.
it seems like the last time i looked, he was still learning how to walk and now.

i'm so excited for thomas. he is excited too.
in the morning we will have a special breakfast and then off to class. a new smponge bob babckpack is on the table for him.

today was screening day. at the language table thomas did not want to talk. the kid who has the vocabulary of a fifth grader and wont use a word of it with a stranger. seeing the frustration on the tester's face and the tight lip on thomas... i leaned over and told him that cherry garcia was waiting in the ice cream section @ the grocery store for him if he answered all her questions. he spoke right up.

he questions bored him. are you a boy or a girl? he looked at me and then answered in a smart ass tone. the kind you might use when you are a teen hanging out with friends while being scolded by a parent. bla, bla, bla... he said what she asked
she thanked him and off we went.

tucked in his bed, dreaming away. i hope that the day brings him all that he hopes for.

katrina

2005-09-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

for those who are still sitting and watching CNN. for those who are sipping a third cup of coffee viewing images of pain filled storm victims. get off your ass and do something.

there is no reason each of us should not be doing something to help others. walk down your street and ask some neighbors for used clothes. stand out in front of your kids school and collect extra school supplies. look in the crack of your car seats for loose change. anything except sit and ponder how much this storm sucked.

i can't even begin to think what these people are going through. i worry that in the next couple months people who are giving and doing will get tired and stop giving and offering time.

so the more that we can gather now. the more couch sitters that we can get up and get moving... will make a big difference.

last year, while living in fl. i made some cheap signs and put out a box in a local school. the opject: to collect toothbrushes and toothpaste for hurricane victims. the huge box was filled. a few min. of my time to set it up and look.

i would love to read ideas that others are doing, and read the successes that you have had.

about me

2005-09-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

thomas had to do a pre-school assignment today. i ask the question he answers.
what do you like to do best.... play w/ daddy
where do you like to be the most....my home
if you had one wish, what would it be..... daddy, i'm not supposed to tell you my wish or it wont come true.

he had a grin that made me want to know the wish more then anything. when i pressed him, he made up an answer. i knew this because his eyes spent sometime looking out the door and then said... a toy.

he has been praying for a baby sister or brother. fred and i decided to proceed with the adoption process and i have not made the call to set up a home study. he questioned why. i usually hit the pedal on the gas, hard. i want another child, yet i'm scared that round two might not be as amazing as the first go around. we have the worlds easiest kid. the stories of being up all night, going to the dr., tantrums... are not my world. i have taken him to the dr. once when it was not a scheduled appointment, never have been at a loss for sleep. generally felt like one lucky, lucky dad. reading this seems silly, i will take the first step when the agency opens in the morning.

well, off to get dinner ready.

thomas' mom

2005-09-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

dear thomas,
you are at an age where kids are asking where she is and why she is not here. "she" is your mother. the other day, while driving in the car with your friend, ian, he asked the question. in the past i would step in and say, "thomas was born in china and his mom ...."
this time i did not. your reply.
my mom lives in china. she carried me in her tummy but could not take care of me forever. so, she gave me away and my dads got me. i'm a very special, i was adopted.
ian said, "oh" and the conversation went back to how sharks would eat you in the deep ocean and who had the bigger arm muscle. end of story.
proud dad drove the car with a tear on his cheek.

we will never meet your mom. the woman who carried you and found a safe place to put you to be found. i will never know the pain she had when she turned to walk away. i do know the joy of holding you and looking into eyes so brown, they look black and seeing a sweet dimple appear on your cheek when you smile.
i sometimes pray at night. i pray to your birthmom in hopes that she may feel a soft warm breeze on a cool day. maybe a faint wonderful smell of flowers when there are non around. or even soft music in a quiet room. anything that, for a split second would let her stop and just be in the moment. let her stop and feel the love and admiration for all that she has done to make our lives so complete. why she had to give you up we will never know. but, through all the pain that this decision must bring, i hope that there is a place where she feels calm and knows that all is well.

looking at you i can imagine what she must be like. her eyelashes are so long, a drag queen would envy them. she is short, with very long legs. her skin is soft. she is much smarter than i in her left brain and her right brian is more creative than mine.
she is so gentle that she han hold a butterfly and not rub off any of its powdery wing. yet, she is very headstrong and will let her opinion be known and frustrations be heard. she is not quick to forget the smallest detail. she loves books and quesions all about life around her. her thoughts are free and unedited. she is very whitty and quick with her jokes. when she walks into a room all eyes are on her. taken with her beauty strangers sometimes snap her picture, most often she turns her head. shy and quite at first, after she knows you, she wants to be the center of attention. she is sensitive to others and will do small gestures to make sure everyone in the room feels loved and acknowledged. those who get to meet her fall in love and never forget her.

i will never forget the brave woman who made my life more rich and complete than i ever dreamed. a woman whose name i will never know.

thomas' poop, age 2?

2005-09-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

thomas, when you were about 2. it was time to say good bye to diapers forever. being such a smart kid, the pissing in the toilet you learned from your friend, qwan, in about two days. crapping was another story. one day i set you up on the seat to sry and get you to build a log cabin. i was trying some kind of "lets talk about it" approach. that the poop need to come out here, not in your diaper or underpants. bla bla bla. i was sure i sounded like an adult on the peanuts cartooon. well, i walked out of the room and left you to your own devices. out of view, but not ear shot. i heard this little voce "hello, come out. come out now." when i walked back into the room. there you were. head between your legs, waiting for an answer from a log. i cried i laughed so hard.

why i'm here

2005-09-06T04:27:00.000-07:00

this blog will be a mix of my free thinking and observations of my kid, thomas. when i adopted thomas i thought that each special moment, of which are a dozen each day, would never be forgotten. so, there was no need to write all that crap down. fast forward, he is now five and the grey matter did not hold it. sorry, thomas. i do not remember your first word. your first step was at gualt's baby shower, maybe his mom knows the date. you came to us with two beautiful little pearly white teeth, now you have a mouth full of pearls, thanks to dr. azar in miami. but, i don't have their arrival in the archives. white i do know is that my life has never been better. being a dad is such a gift esp. when it is to the most amazing kid i can imagine having. but, if the hallmark, i love you, does not hold for you someday and you want the facts, this is where you will find it.

The air is on

2005-09-06T04:05:00.000-07:00

4:00 am, can't sleep.
i have been reading ro's blog and decided to create a journal of my own. spelling does not matter here. no worries. free writing, the good,bad and ugly.